Posted in 3rdMomof3, Third Family

Anxiety as a Mom & Wife

Do you ever feel like you are in a fog? Like an all day fog?

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do you can’t get ahead? Do you ever have days where every little thing makes you cringe or every small noise makes your skin crawl?

Anxiety is a REAL thing! It is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. It is also one of the things that society views as a weakness. There are so many bloggers and vloggers and social media influencers that are trying to break that view. But, still we look at moms and think… “It is her job to have it all together!”

“You have an amazing life, there is no way you suffer from anxiety!” YES! I have actually been told this! Yes, I do have an amazing life! However, anxiety does not discriminate. I have 3 kids, that means 3 different schedules, 3 different personalities, 3 kids needing my attention at the same time. I also have to make sure that I make time for my husband.

There are mornings I wake up ready to start the day… then there are mornings that I wake up and hope that it’s 2 am so I can go back to sleep. I use to be the person that has to set 15 alarms and even have my husband wake me up. Now most mornings I am the first person awake (before my alarm goes off). I attribute this to my anxiety. My brain’s need for control. My body has adjusted to this need and automatically wakes itself up fearful that I have overslept and then my entire day is off track!

Over the years my anxiety has gone from mild to where I suffer daily. There are many things that are considered triggers for me, as well as ways that my anxiety manifests itself. One of those ways, unfortunately is anger. I try my best to control it, but I am far from perfect. I wish I didn’t have to apologize for being angry and ask forgiveness from the people who mean the most to me. I wish I could control it 100% of the time. I am learning to cope with my anxiety but it is an ongoing journey.

One is of my triggers is my kids. I absolutely LOVE my kids! They are my greatest accomplishments. However, they each have their own ways of triggering my anxiety. There are things that a ‘normal’ mom wouldn’t be so concerned with but I fret over daily. It could be something as small as a wet towel in their bedroom floor. Growing up I had a rough childhood that left me feeling on edge and uneasy. I never want my kids to feel that way and it pains me when I let them down. When I see my kids looking at me, almost pleading for me not to fly off the handle when they make a little mistake, it’s incredibly heartbreaking.

I also have a hard time when others (especially my husband) are critical of our kids. I take it personally and it makes me feel like a failure as a mom. I love my husband and I wake up everyday with the intention of being a perfect wife. Like I said, I am far from perfect but when I don’t reach the level of expectation I put on myself, it triggers my anxiety. The one thing that I would like for my husband to understand (well actually anyone that is involved with someone who suffers from anxiety) is when we are in the middle of an anxiety/panic attack if feels impossible to control. One of the worst things that you can say to someone having an anxiety attack is ‘calm down’… They will not ‘calm down’ they will begin to feel even worse because you’ve now made it known that there is a ‘problem’. This will just be one more thing for us to be anxious about.

Another major trigger for me is clutter. I walk into a room and I say “Ugh the house is a disaster!” My husband’s response is “The house looks great babe!” In his defense my house is very clean. However, when I see dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, pictures out of place, etc I feel very uneasy. In the 2 years that we have lived in our current house this trigger has gotten worse. I find it hard to get to sleep unless the house is almost immaculate. This goes back to my childhood, our house had to be pristine. Even the carpet had to have vacuum lines going a certain way. I was responsible for 90% of the chores/housework and the feeling of dread (now I know this as anxiety) when my parents came home from work and things were out of place it was all on me. As a mom and wife I have continued to be the one that takes care of 90% of the housework/chores and I still get that same anxious feeling when something is out of place. It is not because of what my husband and kids expect of me, it is what I expect of myself and I feel as though I am letting my family down.

I hope that my family knows how much I love them. I hope they know that when I’m acting like a complete lunatic, it’s not because I’m mad at them. In fact, most of the time what I need in those moments of anger; is compassion, a hug, some alone time or just some kind words.

I said all of that to say this, anxiety is a real thing and it is different for everyone! If you suffer from anxiety please know that you are not alone. It is nothing to be embarrassed about. If you have a loved one that suffers from anxiety, be a sounding board for them, hug them if they need a hug, take over household duties for the day, take the kids to the park or something and give your partner some alone time.

Lastly, we all need to go easier on each other. We never know exactly what someone has going on in their brain!

Author:

Hello and welcome to my blog!! I am Candace Third, wife to Mark and mommy to Will, Emma, & Madisyn. I am a stay at home mom, and this is by far my most rewarding job I have ever had! I enjoy our crazy, busy, hectic, amazing life! I am also known as soccer mom, volleyball mom, theater mom, chauffeur, chef, merry maid, dog walker, doctor, nurse, friend, dishwasher, & organizer! Join me and my family in this journey as we experience the good, the bad, the ugly, & the debatable!

20 thoughts on “Anxiety as a Mom & Wife

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. I understand you so much. I have a hair trigger temper myself and get incredibly angry at the drop of a hat. It’s very difficult to be an adult who should serve as an emotional container for my children and being completely unable to do that. Stress definitely makes it worse. The more stress in my life the angrier I get.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are welcome! Thank you! Sometimes as moms we just need a break! And it’s ok to need a break and to actually take that break! In the long run it is healthier for us and our kiddos.

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  2. I have all the same triggers. I’m proud of you for writing and facing anxiety so you can not overcome it but manage it to live a fuller, happier, more joyful life ❤

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  3. I agree that people who don’t suffer from anxiety don’t really understand it’s complexity and so they don’t know how to be supportive. I also agree that learning to cope with it is an ongoing and sometimes difficult journey

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I has taken so long to get my husband to somewhat understand my anxiety. It is definitely difficult sometimes, but if we talk about it more, I think it will help us as well as our loved ones understand it more.

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  4. I have actually been in a huge funk the past few months, and especially struggle with some of the things you mentioned! Like if my fiance makes the smallest criticism about anything, the kids, the house, whatever, I immediately see it as me failing when that’s not at all what he meant. All we can do is keep working towards being healthier and happier!

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    1. It is so hard to see their comments for what they are… just comments… we often read too much into what they say. My husband tells me all the time that I am an awesome mom and wife… but the one time he says something about the towel on the kids bathroom floor seems to be like a flashing neon sign in my head. And it sticks in my head longer… Even though I know he was meaning that the kids should have picked it up, I hear “the house is a disaster because of this one towel!”.

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  5. I do not have anxiety but a messy house distresses me so much, i can’t do certain things when it’s a mess around here.

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  6. I resonated with so much that you had to say. I too struggle with the desire to be perfect and take it hard when others, especially my husband, is critical of our son, internalizing it as failure on my part. Thanks for showing me I’m not alone.

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  7. Thank you so much for being willing to share your experience. I agree that anxiety is very real, and kids can definitely trigger it. I hope someone who needs to hear this reads it today!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am so glad I read this today. I too suffer from anxiety and can relate to much of what you wrote about. It can feel so lonely at times and reminders like this that I’m simply not alone are so refreshing and motivating to just keep working on myself at my own pace. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I appreciate you being so open. Anxiety is an ongoing issue and with the world putting so much on our plates as mothers it feels like it’s never ending. Stay strong mama! You’re doing wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It has been difficult to open up. But seeing my daughter struggle with anxiety made me realize that others could benefit from seeing that they aren’t alone.

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  10. It is so difficult dealing with anxiety and kids. How can someone be the biggest source of joy and also the most angering? Only children. They push us to our limits (daily, hourly, minutely?). I work on the same things that you’ve written every day. Thank you for putting it in words.

    Liked by 1 person

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